I Don’t Know

I didn’t know what to do

I was afraid of where I was heading

I couldn’t recall my name

I didn’t know how she felt

I was unaware of the possible outcomes

I couldn’t think straight in this state

I didn’t know about the past

I was blind to the truth

I couldn’t pretend anymore

I didn’t know my own history

I was in an unfamiliar deepness

I couldn’t see the light

I didn’t know how to react

I was covered in my own cause

I couldn’t recover from my illness

I didn’t know where to turn

I was in trouble with my one and only law

I couldn’t come around and share

I didn’t know who I was

I was wishing too hard when the dream collapsed

I couldn’t build myself to recognition

So, in the world alone

In the world that not one person on earth can even imagine

or know about

or even begin to ponder

I hung myself

I jumped in front of the train

I cut my wrists

and became your memory

© 2000 David Greg Harth

00.03.01.02:13:30@296NYC

Escape (Version #2)

For once in your life

I dare you to take my hand

And escape

For a little while

Take my hand

Let me show you a new horizon

Where the sun is always beautiful

And your brown eyes are always powerful

Escape into the sky

And into the sea

Into the family of willow trees

And lakeside walks

Escape where silence gives you energy

And talking makes your soul warm

Come with me where God is your friend

And no longer my enemy

Escape into the ark of passion

And discover the hidden secrets

Cry upon my shoulder

And find yourself within me

Escape with the blue river

And let the current take you for a ride

Let the embrace hold you

And the warmth penetrates you

Escape into the smiles that last

And always remember

I’ll be here

Until you tell me to go

© 2000 David Greg Harth

00.02.01.00:00:00@NYC

00.03.01:00:00:00@NYC

Tale

Let me tell you a tale

He lied. His father didn’t tell him the truth.

He put a gun against his father’s head.

He threatened his father.

But he was strong.

And saw the fear in his father’s eyes.

Both live on

One in federal one in honor of what?

© 2000 David Greg Harth

00.02.29.18:08:30 @ New York City

Eight Thousand Dollars

If I had Eight Thousand Dollars

I would have a limo

And a flat with a fireplace

I would have fruit on board the jet

And laugh at the fare in the air

I would pay for you all to visit me

And phone you when I’m in a coma

I would have wooden floors

And birch trees on the walls

I would treat you like flower gold

And enjoy the sunshine year-round

If I had Eight Thousand Dollars

I would still deliver meals to the homebound

And collect records from rockstars

I would eat instant mashed potatoes

And continue my misspellings

I would fight for my own undelivered freedom

And always wish I was between your thighs

I would share the stars with you

And embrace our friendship forever

I would listen to frogs talking

And hear the gulf stream more often

If I had Eight Thousand Dollars

I would have space for a motorcycle

And retro lights and tables

I would still ignore mother

And be closed to all of you

I would paint and write all the time

And have a bigger studio to do it in

I would be above Heartland

And see myself on the widescreen

I would meet face to face with rabbits

And have even more to lose

If I had Eight Thousand Dollars

© 2000 David Greg Harth

00.02.28.17:28:20 @ 1515 nyc

00.02.29.17:35:38 @ 1515 nyc

Loneliness and Hopelessness

I just do what I do,

those who listen, listen

those who do not, don’t

those who seek, will seek,

those who are afraid, will remain afraid,

but when they come out of the shadows,

that’s when my beautiful dream is shattered

and I can only live

© 2000 David Greg Harth

00.02.28.15:46:17 @ NYC 1515

Return The Start

Don’t kiss me

   back

Don’t kiss me

   because I kissed you first

Don’t kiss me

   because I started too

Don’t kiss me

   because you feel obligated too

Don’t kiss me

   to finish up

Don’t kiss me

   to satisfy me

Kiss me

   because

   YOU

   want to kiss me

Because when you kiss me for any other reason

I feel like the lowest human being on earth

© 2000 David Greg Harth

00.02.28.02:00:00 @ AVA

00.02.28.10:15:00 @ I95

Red Indian Moon

She moves like the silent moon

Over red land in the heart

She destroys the defenses

And makes the warriors weak and ache

She barrels down potions

While the night sky can only look on

I stand in her shadows wishing on sacred lands

And learn the art of sacrifice

Dozens bow to her beauty and silence

People gather and pray to the natural

She hears the beats of the drum

As I attempt to listen to the beats of her heart

She dances in the sun fields

And makes senseless of the innocent

She is still as a windless day

Making the current strong in the mighty river

Her eyes are life fire power

Strong and deadly to the look of desire

Her beauty is no comparison to mother nature

Or to the doves in the clouds

Her scent makes flowers unite

And men speechless with smiles

I know her well under the bright moon

And know the sudden dance of redness

All I can do is dance around in patterns of joy

And circle like an eagle hunter that is blind

© 2000 David Greg Harth

00.01.31.16:59:17 @ New York City

00.02.24.03:15:20 @ New York City

X

I’ve made you

I’ve created you

From dirt earth

From Indian ground!

I’ve clamped down upon you

Captured you

Made you hell

I swallowed you whole!

I bit your nipples

And climbed on top

I tore your leather garter off

And forgot that the dogs were watching!

I create pornography for you

Made a school cum-back

Reached inside and grabbed a wet one

And did it all over again!

Youve made me hard

I don’t want to go back

My hands cupping your breasts

Shower down with me!

You are a great X

A Lover

A Secret

A Mother Fucker!

Lets get down

Get kinky

Sexxy

Luscious and dirty!

Leaking and sneaking

Out back, around, tonight

Sugar beat

See you at midnight!

© 2000 David Greg Harth

00.02.09.15:00:00@1515nyc

00.02.24.02:40:00@296nyc

Night Tracker

Last night, after going to my favorite prostitute,

on East 30th St, I stopped by the 24-hour diner on 2nd avenue.

I had a greasy grilled-cheese sandwich

and a side plate of hot French fries with tomato ketchup.

I could still smell the scent of cheap sweet awful sex

on my hands and face as I ate alone.

I had a root beer and had to get a refill.

Then I had a plate of horrible chocolate cake

with chocolate chips on the sides.

and a nice good glass of cold skim milk.

Although I was not allowed to read the paper.

I recalled a bitch calling me a prick earlier that day for nodding my head

and denying her a donation of money for a lie she has created at the

subway station.

Everywhere I look is a couple. A couple here or there.

Persons hugging, female and male or women together or men holding hands.

Park benches filled with kissing couples and copulating in my head and

On my shoulders.

Tell me, if a restaurant only has one couple in it,

is the restaurant bad or is the couple really good?

I realize where my partner is.

Flying on a jet plane the other day I was sitting on the West

So, I can see my sunset.

And the point between the sun setting

and the lightning in the thunder-storm clouds,

Right between the horizon and cloud lines,

That’s where my partner exists

But unfortunately, I’ll never meet them

Maybe lack of effort or seeking or hiding or hunting

But I do fuck my art every day.

Well, what I mean is I make love to it.

I put art first and maybe one day I’ll put my partner first.

Or maybe not.

I called up the suicide hot-line.

The person on the other end of the phone convinced me

that I have things worth living for.

Although the gun in my palms disagrees

So, instead of killing myself, I write this poem about my agony for all of you.

And some of you may think, where does the line of truth begin or end?

And where does the line of lies begin or end?

I was all prepared, I had my list ready, my favorite song was playing, but

instead of picking up a slug, I picked up the phone; are you happy now?

War is something I’ve never been to. But I do create mine daily.

They are driving me nuts. The people, the slow, the computers, the lies,

the advertisements, the fame, the art, the songs, the stench, the poor, the

disease, the love, the acting, the bills, the information, the creation,

the make-believes, the obsessions, the politics, the job, the lack,

I could go on.

Counting bathroom tiles never helped.

Apple juice is all I ever wanted.

The Two-Pupil-Eyed-Man is something that no one will understand,

Although only one person knows about him

And a team knows what he can be.

One time, when I was very young,

I was at the beach, down on the New Jersey shore

(No, I’m not from there, I was born in my city)

Looking over the deep blue ocean, at nighttime

A song came over the outdoor radio of the motel

The yellow gold lights that surrounded the pool

They made it so beautiful

My partner appeared in front of me and then suddenly left.

There once was a partner whom I chased around the playground

I remember her hair and wind perfectly that day.

In nursery school I wore a mustard golden-yellow T-Shirt

It had an iron-on glitter decal with bright colors

It said “Lover Boy”

Interesting, the prostitute said I’m big. How do I know?

I don’t know what big is? Shall I compare it to when I was smaller?

When I was smaller I asked my father to wipe my ass clean of shit because I

didn’t want my hands near that stuff. One time I slid into the bathroom and

my bottom lip fell off and the neighbors heard me screaming on the way to the

hospital. Sometimes, many times, I wish I would go back to the

hospital. So, I can have another break, a few beers when I get out, not

worry about crap and not work. But I wake up every morning just as good, or

bad, as the last. But one morning, you won’t hear from me anymore...

at least for a little while.

Sadness is something we all have.

What has an effect on it?

Art? Music? Film? Literature?

The lack of something or someone?

Relief is something we all have.

It’s amazing to me, that throughout the wars we’ve had.

Like Vietnam and Desert Storm, that both enemies,

they both have to shit and sneeze.

Doesn’t that boggle you?

That they are both human?

Yet they both kill each other?

Both sneeze. Both shit. Both kill.

Some peope say I make run-on poems

I don’t really give a damn

Maybe this isn’t a poem

But a forum of collected or remembered or created thoughts

Or maybe not. Maybe it’s a copyright or a camera up my ass or a forest on

fire or a cement truck implanted on a towering breast or a sex madness

episode or the misunderstanding and perception of feelings, smells, and

tastes of the inner-self?

Again, I called.

I saved.

I have my soundtrack; do you have yours?

© 1999 David Greg Harth

99.08.05.03:33:33 @ 296 New York City

99.08.12.24:17:17 @ 296 New York City

99.08.15.22:00:20 @ 296 New York City

99.08.24.23:25:12 @ 296 New York City

99.09.05.21:25:10 @ 296 New York City

99.11.17.02:09:11 @ 296 New York City

00.02.24.02:15:10 @ 296 New York City

Love Is Dead

I’d rather share my love

With the pavement I spit on

Then give my love to you

I’d rather distribute my love

To the junkyard dog

Then give my love to you

I’d rather French kiss an ox

And eat rusty nails

Then give my love to you

I’d rather deliver my love

To a hijacker in the Middle East

Then give my love to you

I’d rather fuck a goat

And eat poison ivy

Then give my love to you

I’d rather dispense my love

To cockroaches eating my dinner

Then give my love to you

I’d rather swallow a cum from a priest

And fuck my mother

Then give my love to you

I’d rather share my love

To the shit I make in the toilet

Then give my love to you

I’d rather be dead

And make my family sad

Then give my love to you

I’d rather distribute my love

To the underarm sweat in prisons

Then give my love to you

I’d rather deliver my love

To slugs on dirt

Then give my love to you

© 2000 David Greg Harth

00.02.22.10:05:00@I95(PPB)

00.02.23.12:22:00@1515NYC

Liar

I’m a liar

A vicious liar

I lie in cycles

Never coming out

I lied about my virginity

I lied about how many people I’ve slept with

I lied about how old I am

I lied about who I was

I lied about my love for you

I lied about my sexuality

I lied about my history

I lied about my wishes

I lied in that poem

I lied in that painting

I lied when I spoke to you

I lied when I made love to you

I lied when I hugged you

I lied when I killed you

I lied about the secret

I lied about the truth

I lied about masturbation

I lied about breaking glass

I lied when I said I enjoyed you

I lied when I whispered in your ear

I lied when I kissed you

I lied when I fell behind

I lied to my mother

I lied to my father

I lied to my friend

I lied to my lover

I’m a liar

A fuckin liar

Nothing but a liar

A low, selfish liar

A fuckin liar

Destructed

Destroyed

Fucked

A Liar.

© 2000 David Greg Harth

00.02.22.17:23:51@1515NYC

Rabbits (Version #3)

They tickled me

Held me tightly

But she turned her back

And walked away

In the April morning

Now left alone

With nothing in my nude

Just the taste in my mouth

From last night’s smile

© 2000 David Greg Harth

00.02.22.16:56:18 @ 1515 NYC

Lost Among The Cats

Lost among the cats

Sugar in mind

Remembering what two men said

Seeing a written sign

Two men follow

One in London

One in the District

The Dollar Man

He laughs

Counts

Smiles at me

With I’ll Get Over

The Romantic Man

He arises

Writes

Smiles at The Dollar Man

With definitive understanding

Sugar enjoys before

Don’t remember the professors

Or last night nurses

Or who is on stage

Lost among the cats

Repeating a reassuring phrase

Helping me now

But the innocence

Don’t know if its

Changed

True

Or written on a card

© 2000 David Greg Harth

00.02.21.00:00:00 @ AVA

Emergency Room

The room spins around you

Vertically and Horizontally

Get a tingle in the left portion of your brain

And numbness

And weakness

Down your entire left side

Down your neck and arm

Down your chest and thigh and leg

Throughout your bony structure and thin painted skin

And you wonder

Is the world rotating

Is this me and will I wake up myself

Again?

And you wonder

Will someone catch me

Or will I hit the floor?

And after doing money exchanges

And getting beverage for thirst and food for consumption

You veer left

Walking left

And prop yourself against the wall

Head toward the elevator

And wonder

Does anyone see this?

Successfully placing yourself on a lift

You arrive in style

Brain warm

And you wonder

Who to call first or what to do and how to shed a tear

For I know I’m still me today

But what about tomorrow?

And you wonder

Who will know

And who will not

Who will get to speak with me

And who will not?

And you wonder

Who will pay rent

And who will pay for food

Who will pay for this

And who for that?

As you take the twenty-one dollar cab ride home

Or your favorite spot by the little red light house

Just under the George Washington Bridge

Columbia Presbyterian Medical Center

You run across familiar architecture and a path you’ve always known

And you look up at the American Flag and remember the 12th

And you remember glass and tests and dots and pancakes and bananas and

sheets and pillows and laws and rules and black and white and tunnels and

peace symbols and doors with nails

And as you approach

And tell the story again

See a familiar face again

And a warm smile

You realize

It’s still you, just a change,

Not a choice, not a time, just a change

And all that’s in your head

Is a single thought

Of those who you cannot get out of your mind

As you sit there

In a New York City Hospital

You wonder why you cannot have a normal room

Or who is normal?

I sit in the GYN room full with stirrups and I act and joke and be me

Talk of more MRIs and Spinal Taps

Nothing new

Just had a CT scan and EKG, no Spect Scan or EEG or Angiogram this time

Take my blood, prick me, tickle me, stick me, and tell me I’m a mystery

Welcome on board

Now I can cry with the music I cannot hear

Mirrors can’t be seen

The windows are hidden

And those who you wish cared, did not

And those who are blind, remain blind

And you know the only thing you’ve got

Is the one person who is in your world

Yourself

Myself

Me

And you know it’s not a dream

You aren’t even testing yourself

Images of the past come and go

And all you can do is smile

Because you know you are in medical history

But more importantly

You know it will be sunny the next day,

McDonalds French fries taste great,

movies rewind,

and someone is waiting for your return with a smile I’ll never forget

© 2000 David Greg Harth

00.02.14.23:55:02 @ 296 NYC

00.02.16.01:45:13 @ 296 NYC

I’m Broken (Version #2)

Broken

Crushed

Left alone in the morning hour

In the old wet rain

No embrace

Or soft touch

Alone with a bad taste in my mouth

As I shake my head and squint

Broken

Defeated

Empty without a heart

No longer full of desire, more ache

Captivated by her smile

Her wonderful kindness

And beautiful brown eyes

I’ll never share

Broken

Stranded

I have a full bed to myself now

Nothing close, nothing to care for

Remembering her scent

Getting wrapped up in it all

All I can do is twist and turn

And rub the lasting one on

Broken

Lost

Not knowing what to do

I should run, escape

Close up shop

Pour my tears

And lock the doors

© 2000 David Greg Harth

00.02.12.10:16:00@AVA

Destruction of Innocence

Dive into the mere nothingness of vast blackness

  dead sky

  and lonely chambers

  that I once knew

I can buy you a music personality

  make you a hand puppet

  and give you my puppy dog eyes

  under my skin

I’m just a scratched hunter

  insecure of pleasure

  underdeveloped in the area of redness

  and silent in timely hopes

Let me breathe

  and push me away

I’ll find you under trap doors

  and beneath the sea

Become forbidden with me

  tear yourself away

Become silent with me

  and lay under the stars

Let me in

  and you’ll be my magnet

I’ll find you under the rubble

  and beneath the flame

Become bitten with me

  surrender to your surroundings

Become bonded with me

  and smile with my smirk

I claim the moon to be yours

  it’s my gift to you

  the stars are for you

  all this for you

© 2000 David Greg Harth

00.02.01.16:45:11 @ NYC

00.02.08.22:15:15 @ Brooklyn

00.02.09.01:53:50 @ 296 NYC

00.02.09.12:35:41 @ 1515 NYC

Beat

Big beat

Big bird

Big meat

Beat my meat

Big chest

Bid do

Dildo

Dive my hive

Big man

Big toe

Deep bent

Meant dent

Big beef

Beef cake

Cake make

Snake shake

© 2000 David Greg Harth

00.02.08.16:02:11@New York City

For You (Version #2)

I did it because I loved you

I did it because I cared for you

Because I held your hand

Because I fed you

And nursed you

I did it because I didn’t want you to be in pain

And because I didn’t want to witness

I did it because you asked

Because you knew it was coming

I did it because you phoned me earlier

And told me how you felt

I did it because there was no one else

Because of the look in your eyes

I did it for you

And only for you

I pulled your plug

And now you are dead

And I live alone

© 2000 David Greg Harth

00.02.08.14:28:39 @ 1515 nyc

Love (Version #06)

Love is something invented

To make everyone feel guilty

Trespass or cheat

Love is something everyone wishes for

To make all self-conscious

Die or live for

Love is something that only exists

Among yourself if you accept

Those who love you back

Love is something imaginary

Making us all to appear to exist

Or breathe with the ease of knowing

Love is something extraordinary

Created by individuals who share

Because they want to be cared for

© 2000 David Greg Harth

00.02.08.14:15:32 @ 1515 nyc

Red Stadium Light

Red stadium light

Penetrated you and I

She was silhouetted

All I can see was bright light

Tingle through my veins

Blood boiling

Warmth from the blast

She was dancing high above

Standing on the chairs

Facing forward towards the light

Grooving, Powerful, Feeling

Falling from airplanes

Catching yourself in the net of love

Reaching, Holding her

My hand on her waist

From behind

Red stadium light

It ignited us

Made my flames burn

Made my tears think

Made my feet tumble from underneath me

Red stadium light

Rained down upon me

Blue sky overnight

Warm air breathed in

She danced in front of me

Like fire in the wind

Like sails in the sea

Like dandelions in the field

Red stadium light

It bounced all around us

My head down in shame

Leaving with nothing

I saw the insides

I explored

I had my twist

I had my time

Now all I can do is walk away

Walk out

Before it’s too late

Before you go

Before the red light goes down

Before the sky turns to dawn

Now all I can do is walk towards you

Walk in

After you have given

After you came

After the red light goes down

After the stars go to sleep

But before I go

Or after I go

Know this

The red light is always on

The stadium lights are always on

Until a box is let loose

© 2000 David Greg Harth

00.02.08.13:09:33 @ 1515 NYC